Updated: May 19
When I was little I always remember my parents telling me that it didn't matter what I SAID I was going to do, they were always looking to see my actions.
I think that's something we all grew up with and pass on from generation to generation.
"Actions Speak Louder Than Words"- I'm sure you've heard that just a few thousand times before and I think we can all agree how accurate that statement is.
From a distance, it's so easy to view people from what they project on social media. I've even known people who I called my "Friend" for years do a really good job of fooling me even just to my FACE for the longest, much less just not even knowing who a person is hiding behind a screen.
I do know I never wanted to give up hope though. I always made excuses for those types of people in my life. Naturally, we give grace to people. Even if they show their "true colors" here and there, we understand no one is perfect, right? I know I have had the occasional day where I'm an extra ASSHOLE projecting some insecurity outward and not even realizing it until later. But you have to finally draw a line when the same thing continues to happen over and over, and you're done watching all of the effort you have put forth to just be abused, trampled over, and even mocked.
I think some of us become the quiet observers for so many years watching others pull the wool over so many peoples eyes and we just let it be. Personally, I did that for the longest, and I am guilty of it still.
I am the age old hoper and believer in people, like maybe they will come thru on their own accord and do the right thing.
But oftentimes, I'd just end up disappointed. Severely disappointed.
You see- I'm a giver by nature. I will give give give and give. Too much sometimes. And I love to help. It fills my cup to the brim. Knowing that maybe even it was the smallest thing, but knowing that it was helpful to someone literally makes my heart glow. And I do it to ultimately, be helpful. It's never a competition, or a "social media" shout out, or a "pat me on the back" type of thing.
And for the most part, that's a great quality. But it also gets you run over, steam rolled over, and backed up on with a semi truck flat out by people who figure it out.
But still, giving is giving.... and you should do so from the goodness of your heart. But all too often, what you see is people giving for instant social media gratification. To me, that's one of the WORST things you can do. We've all seen those YouTube videos where the "rich" guy gives the homeless man $500 and films it and WOWW look at his channel views blow up!
Those literally make me cringe so bad. There's no true motive of goodness there, you're just seeking praise.
And it's such a mindset now. I've shed people from my circle who were so deep into that. Self proclaimed "NICE" people, ones who are always all over social media saying how "kind and giving" they are, or the ones claiming to be such "empaths" who literally go to the depths of hell writing disgusting targeted posts during the elections saying how particular groups of people are just AWFUL for their opinion yet they claim "love & light" - REALLY??
There have been full on "cancel" chats formed saying how you should unfollow and "report" so-and-so because they have a different political or medical view than you. Since when did someone who makes hotdogs for lunch on a daily basis get to decide if I am good person based off of my view of my personal medical choices? And the full blown irony is when it comes to politics because I absolutely REFUSE to go down that road and I never bring it up in my stories. I respect others views, even though I personally prefer a stance of neutrality. But because you don't "bend" to the mindset, there is literally a MOB of people who hate you. And block you. And talk shit about you. When they don't even know you.
The more I tuned in, the more I saw. And it was ugly. When did it become a RACE to shout how NICE and GOOD and KIND you are- when in all reality, you're the exact opposite? And you spend your time talking shit about others in group chats?
I don't think many people know how a lot of these social media "influencers" work. They join up into these pods called "engagement groups" - I used to be in a few for quite a while. You have to like and comment on their photo and they in turn do the same for you. Literally no one ever reads, they write totally unrelatable comments, and they're always so catty behind the scenes complaining about what someone posted or that so-and-so didn't leave a "meaningful" enough comment. It just made me think about the "rich" girls I went to school with back in Elementary school- total bullies and fakes. It was a circle of literal self praise- day in and day out.
"Let me post about how amazing this or that is that I do/made/etc. and you HAVE to jump in and compliment me on it"
The real reason I left so many was
a)they were the same people complaining over and over
b)it's horribly fake
c)it's literally a control regime
I have so many posts I need to do about the "behind the scenes" of Instagram LOL... but this will do for now.
But in all honesty, when did we reach this point?
I've seen so many people that I was even close with fall prey to it.
"Oh you've got to tag so-and-so from this account because she is the LEADER of all things keto and you don't want to be on her bad side"- Yep. Literally had this conversation one day lol. And it's comical now looking back. Why did I even feel that I needed to do this? I mean I never did do it, but why did I feel the "need" to? Who made them some leader? It once again circled back to being "excluded" if you didn't glorify this person.
What did this even become? Since when did wanting to share my personal health journey mean I had to answer to someone who puts a plate of coleslaw out for dinner every night claiming it's some masterpiece recipe?
I played along for a while... and then I remembered who I am and that NONE of these overly opinionated people have a say in my life.
What exactly are they showing up for online?
Are they showing up to encourage you? To offer any type of relation? Are they meek?
Or do you find yourself overly critical of your own situation after watching said influencer?
Do you find yourself feeling the need to "keep up" after you tune into them?
Do you feel like you're missing out on something in your life?
They are just like you and me. And oftentimes, these big outlandish "showy" displays means they are severely lacking something in their personal life, usually relationship wise, or something mental they've got to handle on their own.
Someone sent me a story on Instagram the other night of some girl wearing a $500 Gucci bucket hat. I mean really? And she was mocking her boyfriend saying it's not a big deal she spent $500 on this hat and he needed to calm down. Literally $500 on this hat that made her look like she should be a spotlight character on Gilligan's Island. So I want you to do a double take when you're watching social media. Remember, you're only being granted access to the snippets of their life they want you to see.
Watch when this person shows up
Watch what they say when they show up
Watch their post comments, are they the same people over & over?
You'll start to see, I promise. All the "likes" are from bot accounts, paid engagement blogger groups, random accounts from foreign countries, etc.... if you look it's there.
And then you should question- why is this influencer so eager for all of this? Because that's when you realize the true power lies in knowing who YOU are. Because most of these people, they don't know themselves. They are in a never ending race for self fulfillment, trying to fill voids of whatever is missing in their lives with fake likes, validation from strangers, and praise for having an expensive hand bag.
Half the time they're using a store bought cupcake from Publix, stealing a recipe off of Pinterest, and claiming they made it. Yep- that's a total true story too. I've seen it in action SEVERAL times.
But what is the point??? For some likes and comments that you are MAKING people write?
For a PAID engagement group of bloggers to write some vague comment knowing damn well they didn't even read your caption?
Who even is this person and what do they stand for?
Who do they volunteer to help?
What charities are they involved in?
What PTA programs, room mom programs, youth group sports groups, etc are they signed up with?
When was the last time they did anything for anyone elderly in their OWN family?
When you start paying attention to the things left UNSAID- that's when you'll begin seeing who a person really is.
When did we start allowing their half-assed opinions seep into our hearts? I call a spade a spade now. And there's a hell of a lot of them out there.
Since distancing myself, I've seen it all come full circle. People will pair up with even their "worst" enemies to be able to talk smack about someone who isn't following "the rules" or "the trend"
It's pretty comical for the most part, but then you think "wow, they sure fooled me for the longest on who they are!" And then that opens another trail of thoughts to the fact that these people don't even know WHO THEY THEMSELVES ARE. They wake up, open their phone, and dive into WHO social media tells them they need to be today.
Or they're so busy wallowing in envy of someone else's success, that they're literally draining their bank account to compete with someone who doesn't even pay attention to their small mindedness.
I know this went for quite a turn, but really- I'm so over it all. There will be no one who is hiding behind a profile picture who steals my joy.
It's time to put yourself in check and stop allowing these people to make impressions in your mind and heart that they are in no way qualified to do. Let them go, and invest in TRUE meaningful sources of joy and true relationships. I know I have found SO MANY amazing people in this space, most of whom I haven't even met in person but they are so wonderful!
So I promise you, once you start realizing the joy you have WITHIN and finding a strong circle of like minded people, these small minds won't even phase you.
Because you- you are amazing!